How To Know When You’re Going To Die

ImageFirst know that this method is based upon critical assumptions and is a theory only. It assumes that you are still alive enough to have a sense of time, a sense of hearing and a love of music.

   You must first choose a favorite song, Stairway to Heaven excluded. (That’s cheating)  Listen to the song carefully, as if it was the first time you have ever heard it.  This is your gauge.  It must be a song you really love and don’t mind hearing again and again.

   If you cannot choose a song, you are already dead and need not read any further.

   Once you choose your song and listen to it via CD, cassette, 8-track, LP or by any other means you must continue to utilize the same means throughout the process because, timing is everything and now you are on your way to knowing when you will die.

  Important note: you must be able to repeat the song over and over. This should not be a problem since it is a song that you love. But mechanical difficulties may be consideration.

   Okay, now to the meat. I could say something here but I won’t..

   a)  Listen to your song.

   b) Get a sense for how fast (or slow) the song plays.

   c) Repeat a and b.

   d) This is important.  Wait two weeks and then listen to the song again. Ask yourself’ ‘Did the song seem faster or slower?’

   If the song seemed faster than before you know you have your gauge.

Your gauge is important and will tell you how fast your life is flying by.  You are not done, use your gauge each time you listen to your song, which you should do every couple of weeks.  When is seems that your song is moving too fast, pay attention!  You can then measure the RATE of speed that you think, or “feel” it has increased.  When it “seems” that the song has flown by, then you know your death is imminent.  Make the necessary arrangements. Don’t be late to your own funeral!

                                                                                               ~ 3ddieblade


About 3ddieblade

A.A. - Business Management from Johnson County Community College, College graduate ~ UMKC B.S.-Acctng '90, former professional Musician, Certified Scuba Diver, Honorable Discharge from the USAF, Artist, Published Writer and Poet, and casualty of the War on Marijuana Propagators. Drowning survivor.
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